The NY Times has a new essay called 7 Essential Money Questions Sure to Start a Conversation:
What follows are the seven best queries that I could find that tend to stop people cold and get them to open up about whatever money they have and the emotions that wrap themselves around their personal finances.
I found myself answering them in my head, so I figured why not share my answers.
What lessons about money did you learn from your parents?
I would say that I remember frugality being a part of everyday life growing up. We would live in apartments and duplexes, while some of my friends would live in big houses. We rarely ate in restaurants, except on birthdays when I got to go to Olive Garden or Red Lobster. I remember being scolded when I used a paper towel for a task that could have been done with a cloth towel. I was taught to use no more than a dab of shampoo. To this day, I have a visceral dislike of wasting food.
Another thing that stuck with me was that my dad worked hard at a career that he enjoyed, but he could have made more money elsewhere. I didn’t like that he seemed to work all the time, but at least he seemed passionate about what he was doing. Together, I feel like I have combined these characteristics. If you can control your spending, you can be more flexible in your work situation.
What does the word “money” conjure up for you?
Well, for starters money means survival. Food, housing, and personal safety. I am a conservative person that enjoys a feeling of security. By making clear what is need vs. want, I can be confident that I have enough in the bank to “survive” for a very long time.
Above that, money means freedom. Freedom to quit a job with management that cares about short-term profits or metrics more than long-term value or people. Forget you money. Freedom to have more kids without worrying.
How many children would you like to have when you retire?
Three. This is such a personal choice. What’s worse, with fertility problems and adoption hurdles you may not even be given a choice.
How do you think your children feel about that?
I think they’ll be fine. They may have to share clothes, books, toys, and later vehicles. They’ll have to share rooms. Every kid doesn’t need their own room… What’s wrong with bunk beds? I hope they appreciate having siblings.
Raising kids is both so more much difficult and enjoyable than I thought it would be. I used to idealize some ideal “future with kids”. Nowadays, instead of long-term planning, I just try to enjoy the process. Every day usually has a few precious moments and a few difficult ones that test our patience.
Tell me about your financial situation when you first met.
My wife and I met when we were both 18 years old and freshmen in college. Her parents had taken out home equity loans to help fund her education. My parents were also paying for a good chunk of my education, and in addition I was accruing what would end up being $30,000 in student loans. We both had part-time jobs (that’s actually how we met, while I was on the job). Our combined net worth was negative.
What are the most important things in your life?
Family, then friends, then community.
What does the prospect of retirement look like to you?
Here’s my ideal “early retirement” weekday from roughly age 40-60. Wake up early. Prepare kids and send off to school. Work at any job that I enjoy until noon. Eat lunch with spouse and run any errands. Pick up kids and play with/teach/chauffeur them. Have the time and energy to be present with them. Cook at home and eat dinner as a family. Put kids to bed. Read. Go to bed early-ish. On weekends, add in hiking, sports, backyard cookouts, festivals, etc. Travel together as a family for 3-6 weeks at a time in the summer.